Last Chances
by acciomoony
Summary: <html><head></head>Remus Lupin is bound to Sirius Black. He loves him, adores him, needs him, but will Sirius ever be able to let go of his love for James Potter? Remus doesn't know how much more pain or torment he can withstand before he cracks, once and for all.</html>
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This chapter isn't exactly the longest chapter in the world, but I promise that the chapters to come will be a lot.. lengthier. I guess I was just testing out whether or not this story was going anywhere first. This story will be filled with angst/hurt/perhaps some mentions of suicide/self harm/alcoholism/cheating. Enjoy. **

Remus Lupin lies awake, his eyes fixed, unmoving, on the ceiling above him. The lamp sways ever so gently from side to side, jolting and flickering every now and then as the thumping and pounding gets heavier and harder. They've been at it for nearly an hour; Remus can still feel the damp salty trails of tears that have stained his cheeks. He knows what they're doing up there, he doesn't even need to listen to James' moans of pleasure or Sirius' desperate begging tones – Sirius, his Sirius, begging for James to fuck him.

He could move to a different room, the house has three bedrooms for him to choose from. He could move down the hall, block out the sounds and pretend that none of this was happening. He could even cast a silencing charm. But he stays. He stays, because he doesn't want to block it out, doesn't want to pretend that none of it ever happened – he wants to hear it, he wants to feel the burning, excruciating agony of knowing what Sirius is doing, because, he hopes, wishes, that this time he'll finally be able to build up the guts to leave- That this time he'll be able to put himself out of this exhausting misery.

He listens as James gives one last shout, a hard slam that leaves the room in temporary darkness and then the sound of Sirius begging once more; begging for James to stay. 'Just for ten more minutes.' 'I could suck you off?' Anything that James wants if he'll just stay a little longer. Remus feels the burning of fresh tears threatening to spill down his cheeks as he hears James telling him that he can't; that he has to get back to Lily; that's he's sorry. Remus hears the crack James disapparating from the house and leaving Remus and Sirius alone in the building together.

Something within Remus burns and stings, like a fresh wound, although at the same time it's the same aching and only too familiar pain, like the creaking of old, exhausted joints ready to give up. He's ready to give up.

Remus doesn't know why he stays. He's bound to Sirius in a way he can't even begin to understand. Remus has always known he was second best to James Potter, that Sirius had always loved James – ever since their time at Hogwarts Sirius had wanted, lusted after James, although Sirius had always been second best; James' little 'fuck buddy' while he was off chasing Lily and trying to win her heart. It killed Remus to see Sirius so broken, so defeated and torn apart by James. To see the usually charming, outspoken and cocky young man that was Sirius Black pulling himself apart for the other man and have to piece himself back together was perhaps worse than enduring the full moon. Although he was sure nothing compared to the pain Remus felt – to see the man he loved, the man he adored and dreamt of, spending his life tossing his heart away to a man who didn't see anything him as anything other than a 'good shag'. To a man who would never be his and so Remus had fallen neatly into the slot of second best.

Remus lies there, staring up at the now unmoving lamp. His heart is beating heavily inside his chest; like a hammer on cloth and his head seems as though it's spinning. The gut wrenching pain that has been gripping him for the past hour is slightly subsiding, but only being replaced with the burning hate that is bubbling within him. Suddenly, he hears the sound of glass shattering, the slamming of something against the wall upstairs and the muffled sobs of whom Remus can only imagine could be Sirius. It feels as though his heart is being shredded into a thousand tiny pieces as he lays awake, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the whimpers and sobs of the broken, fucked up mess that is Sirius Black; that is the man he loves.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So this is Chapter 2; like I said in my previous chapter this is a little more angsty, but again, it will continue to get gradually more and more angsty as the story goes on. Please feel free to review and all that, it would mean an awful lot to me :) thankyou. **

_Remus was nineteen years old; it was the boy's first summer away from Hogwarts and the four friends had travelled away from the city to James' parent's country home. They had spent the most part of the week drinking, smoking and basking in the summer's sun and, honestly, Remus could not remember the last time he had felt this happy; the last time he had seen Sirius this genuinely content. They had been together a little over a year, things had been going well, perfectly in fact and Remus was sure, almost one hundred percent sure, and that Sirius had fallen in love with him. He knew that sounded big headed, but something had changed within the other boy, something that meant he crawled into bed alongside Remus and whispered stupid things to him in the night that made him blush a crimson shade and that didn't always have to end in sex; something that meant that when they were alone together they didn't always have to end up with the other down their throat, but that they could kiss and hold hands; something that meant that Sirius Black had finally allowed himself to let go of James Potter – nothing had ever seemed so perfect, so untainted, so blissfully innocent and wonderful._

_It was during their second week, Remus can still remember the date – he doesn't know why he memorizes these things, after all, they only seem to provide him with more pain. It was nightfall and Remus was making his way back through to the living room, his mind absently wondering and meandering back to earlier that day. The boys had decided to go swimming in the river at the end of the garden; he couldn't help but think back to how good Sirius had looked – ebony hair dripping and sticking to his face and neck; his blue eyes that always seemed to remind Remus of rainclouds in the summer had been shimmering in the afternoon sun and the way he had that devilishly gorgeous smirk spread across his lips as he crept up behind Peter and pushed him into the river._

_He went to push the door to the living room, only to stop when he heard the gentle and soft whispers of James' voice._

_'C'mon, Pads, it's just this once, besides it's not like we'll get the chance again,' Remus felt himself swallowing thickly; his mind suddenly racing back to the many times he had wondered in on the pair of them back in Hogwarts – times that James had been using that exact line, 'It's not like it'll make a difference' James slurred. Remus could feel his heart hammering heavily beneath his chest; it was happening all over again – everything he and Sirius had worked for was being ruined once again – he was going to lose Sirius._

_'I-I can't Jamie,' Sirius whispered, his voice laced with hidden emotion and pain, 'I can't do this to Remus,' Remus felt his heart wrenching and straining as Sirius spoke. He recognized that tone of voice, the all too seriousness of it, the façade Sirius liked to put up to block out everyone else from knowing the true pain he was in._

_'Moony won't know, besides, it's not like this means anything, right?' Remus felt hot tears beginning to prick his eyes; tears that he cursed himself for having, he was supposed to be strong, but then he could hear the soft moans of Sirius and the sound of kissing and James muttering under his breath and suddenly, it was all too much and the tears were running freely down his cheeks, leaving glistening tracks._

_That was the night that Remus realised that Sirius would never truly be his; that he would always have to settle for second best, but that Sirius would risk everything they had for one last taste of James Potter; everything they had for something that didn't even mean anything to James._

Remus wakes with a sudden start, his stomach churning and his mouth dry. His palms are clammy and it takes him a few moments before he notices that his cheeks are dampened with tears. He turns in the darkness, his eyes adjusting quickly to the blind black of the room – he is alone.

He stands and makes his way towards the door of their room and then along to the kitchen. There's a note sitting on the kitchen table – Sirius' sprawled handwriting lines a small piece of paper: 'Remus, I've got to go and meet with Mad-Eye. Said it was urgent Order business.' Remus simply tosses the note and waves his wand to bring him a mug of coffee. He aches from lack of sleep and yet knows that, no matter how hard he were to try, he'd never get back to sleep now. His mind is whirring away once more, a thousand unanswered questions and thoughts buzzing through his brain. He sits, wrapping his fingers around the warm cup of tea; their house is constantly bitterly cold now. Not that it's even their home, Remus rancorously mutters to himself. Dumbledore had insisted that both he and Sirius move away form their apartment the instant Voldemort had shown signs of trying to form an army. They were now situated outside the city in a run down mess of a home; they'd attempted charms and homely features but shortly given up when they both realised that there was little to no hope of changing how the pitiful house looked.

Remus leans back, the creaking and cracking of his neck and grinding of his bones only reminding him of how close the full moon is and how Sirius would probably attempt to spend it away on a mission for the Order. He knows that Sirius despises spending the full with him nowadays.

Remus can't help but wonder how long it'll be before Sirius returns home; just today? A week perhaps, two weeks, three at max? He can't help but feel a wave of nausea come over him at the idea of Sirius spending three weeks away from him, let alone the idea that he will be with James as well. He stands, all too suddenly, feeling his knees buckle ever so slightly and wincing at the ear piercing sound of his chair scraping against the slate tiles of their kitchen floor. Just the very idea of James and him together makes his stomach churn uncomfortably.

The rest of Remus' day ticks by slowly and monotonously until finally the end of the day begins to draw closer. He finds himself dragging himself about the house, cleaning, reading, trying to find out useful snippets of information from the copious amounts of material Dumbledore had given him, but to no avail. Remus blames the fact he can't seem to focus for longer than two moments without his mind wandering.

It's late when Sirius gets home; Remus is still awake, sitting bent over a piece of writing at their kitchen table. Sirius staggers and slurs, the stench of muggle alcohol filling Remus' nostrils. The scent of other men, sex and cheap booze mingles in the air and causes Remus' chest to tighten – suddenly realizing that the Order Mission had been a cover up.

Remus wants to shout, yell and scream at Sirius; Remus wants to hit at him and tell him just what he thinks of him; Remus wants to spit and punch and finally escape from the pit of pain he has become trapped within, but instead he finds himself being pushed against the wall, abrasive kisses littering his skin. He tries to push Sirius away, but his hold only becomes tighter, shoving him roughly against the bricks. Remus feels the flesh of his back being torn by the jagged textures of the bricks and the stinging of freshly drawn blood.

'Fuck me, Moony,' Sirius slurs, 'I want you.' Remus tries to push back, knowing that if he wanted to he could simply push the other man straight off him, but somehow finds himself being pinned to the wall.

'Fuck you,' Remus finds himself shouting, 'I hate you!' He feels the stinging of tears that are ready to spill out.

These are the worst times; Remus knows what is to come next, the explosion of pain that is about to fill him as Sirius' fists collide with his ribs, face, arms, chest, wherever they can. He feels his bones cracking and grinding as he collapses to the floor, crimson blood beginning to trickle down his chin. He tastes the metallic, rich taste of it in his mouth. His body burns with pain and agony as he falls to his knees, begging and pleading Sirius.

And then Sirius is sliding down the wall, his hands held up to his face, covered in shimmering blood, his blood. He is sobbing, heavily, his hands tangling in his matted ebony hair as he mumbles and splutters.

'He proposed to her, Moony,' he lets out a soft whimper, 'He proposed.'


	3. Chapter 3

Remus was nearly 20 years old – it was the winter, the 22nd of December to be precise. It had snowed and London was coated in a shimmering and beautiful coat of starch white snow. Sirius and he had been sharing a flat together for nearly 2 years now.

Remus can remember that winter so clearly, every intricate detail of the unfolding weeks seem to flood his memory – Lily fell pregnant with Harry and Peter's mother was diagnosed with a Muggle illness called Cancer. Remus can still remember the excitement that had flooded through Sirius when he had found out that he was to be Godfather; the way he had beamed and radiated, boasted and bragged about how he was going to be the most brilliant Godfather ever known. Remus hadn't seen him so happy in months – little did he know that later that night Sirius would drink himself near to death. Sirius' façade was back up.

A few weeks later Sirius was sent away on a month long mission; Sirius was captured and tortured for information by the enemy. Remus can still remember receiving the message from Mad-Eye. He had floo'd to their apartment. Remus had been sitting at the kitchen table at the time, reading through some of the old manuscripts Dumbledore had assigned him, trying his hardest and wracking his brain for any form of clue as to what they were about. He had jumped slightly as the rough sound of Mad-Eye's voice had bellowed throughout their kitchen. He had turned, Mad-Eye's face in amongst the ember blaze, his eye whizzing about at a hundred miles per hour. Remus knew something was wrong; Mad-Eye never contacted him unless it was to alert him of an Order meeting, and he knew the schedule for the next week.

'Evening, Moody,' Remus stood, walking over to the fire.

'No time for evenings, boy, we've got an emergency on our hands,' Remus felt his heart pounding heavily against his chest.

'What's happened?' He knelt beside the fire, the flames dancing before his eyes around Mad-Eye's face.

'Sirius – the boy's been captured,' Remus felt as though his heart had stopped. He felt as though the entire world had stopped spinning as Mad-Eye spoke – his world had just collapsed.

'W-What?' He stammered, feeling his stomach jolting nervously.

'They've got him held ransom. We believe they're torturing him for information.'

'Information on what?' Remus spat, feeling a sudden spur of anger burst through him.

'That's secret material, Boy. We've sent Potter, The Prewitt brothers and Longbottom to the last known place he was at. We're doing everything we can to find him. Dumbledore sent me to alert you.' Remus simply nodded, the overwhelming feeling of nausea beginning to grip him as he mumbled something about having to get back to work. He stumbled back through to his room, crawling onto the bed and curling himself up in the mass of covers. The bed still stunk of Sirius' aftershave. He breathed it in deeply; the scene of Sirius and Padfoot mingled with the scene of cigarettes and that sickening scent of alcohol that Remus found himself suddenly craving. He wanted to forget. He wanted to wake up in Sirius' arms. He wanted Sirius.

Sirius was found nearly two weeks later. He spent a week in the hospital wing at Hogwarts under the watchful eye of Dumbledore. He had suffered many injuries; a broken arm, several cracked ribs, a puncture to his left lung, crimson lacerations littered his skin, and purple bruises left his one perfect skin looking battered and disgusting. Remus can still remember the sluggish shudder that had crept up his spine as he had first made his way along the only too familiar aisle of beds towards Sirius'. He was thin, too thin, his cheeks hollowed and his collar bones stuck out, a thin layer of skin stretched over them. His lips were cracked and dry; dried scabs and dirt still clung to them.

Remus can remember the way Sirius hadn't spoken for days; Mcgonagall had said it was due to shock, that he would be fine in no time. It wasn't until the sixth day of Remus visiting that he had finally spoken. He can still remember the way his voice was faint, almost inaudible and rough.

'They-They killed him,' He had whispered, his eyes fixed, unmoving, upon the ceiling above. His chest had risen and fallen heavily, as though he were trying to suppress tears.

'Who?' Remus had whispered, sitting close to the bed and pulling Sirius' frail hand towards him. He was shaking.

'R-Regulus,' He croaked, his raincloud eyes suddenly filling with tears, tears that Remus had never expected him to see Sirius Black cry over his brother.

'What?' Remus found his jaw hanging ever so slightly open in shock.

'Voldemort,' He cried, his tears spilling down his bruised and scared face, 'He killed him, because-because he tried to quit,' Remus gently squeezed Sirius' hand, feeling him shivering and shaking. He watched, his heart wrenching, as Sirius sobbed.

'He was a fucking kid, Remus. He didn't know the shit he was getting into. All he wanted was to please that fucking bitch of a mother we had,' Remus nodded, not knowing what to do or say, words failing him, 'I was-I was meant to protect him, Moony, I told him, back when we were kids, that I'd never let anything happen to him, because we were brothers and brothers stick together.' Sirius spluttered, his tears beginning to tumble down onto the crisp sheets, 'I failed, Moony, I failed and now he's gone.'

Remus can still remember how long it took before Sirius was ready to visit Regulus' grave. How long it took before he could talk to anyone other than Remus about him and how long it took before Sirius would stop coming home at god knows what hour, drunk out of his skull and reeking of other men. He was broken all over again and once again, Remus was caught up in the midst of pain and anguish to help him, but with no clue how to fix the broken, battered shell of Sirius Black.

Remus awakes and stumbles through to the kitchen. The dreams of his past are becoming more and more frequent, more and more vivid. He wakes in the night and tosses and turns, trying desperately to get back to sleep – he wonders if he is ever really dreaming, or if it's simply the moments between sleep where his mind wanders back to his memories of the past. His days are fading into one – each one passing in a haze of shouts and yells, pain ad heartache. His life has become one monotonous battle against Sirius. Each day was simply a copy, of a copy, of a copy.

Sirius had left after the fight; he'd probably gone to stay with James, or rented a room in some run-down pit of a hotel. Either way, Remus is sure he got a good fuck.

He makes his way through to the small, dank bathroom of the house. The mirror reflects the horrors of last night; his eye is bruised heavily, purples and blacks merging with his own flesh colour, dried blood is cracking and peeling under his nose and his lip is torn in one place – it's nothing he can't handle. He's been in far worse of a state compared to this. He ribs ache horribly, the grinding and crunching of them reminding him that he should really begin with the healing spells. He reaches for his wand and begins to mutter incantations and spells, trying to mend his bones as best he can.

The rest of the day ticks by slowly, just as slowly as the day before, just as slowly as the next day will. He knows Sirius won't return tonight, but something inside him is still glowing with the small hope that he will hear the crack of him apparating into their apartment.

It's ten at night. Sirius still hasn't returned home. Remus knows he won't – but he hopes.

It's eleven – Sirius still isn't back. He floo's James to ask if he's there, but James says he hasn't seen him.

It's twelve and Remus is still sat, alone, in their house. He hates this house- this mess of a home. He hates every room, every corner, and every memory that is kept within the walls. He hates that everywhere he walks within the house reminds him of Sirius; his clothes left strewn about the place, his scene lingering in the air, his drink, his magazines, his books, everything reminds Remus of Sirius. Every room he walks into holds a different memory of Sirius; the fights they've had in the kitchen, the times he's had to heal Sirius' wounds in their bathroom, the times they've shagged in the bedroom, and the living room, every sodding room. He needs to get out; he needs to rid himself of the constant thoughts of Sirius that are running mindlessly through his brain.

He apparates to a dank alleyway in London, it's crawling with dirt and slime. He knows Dumbledore would disapprove of him for visiting the city, he would probably say that he was purposely putting himself at risk, but something inside Remus doesn't seem to care.

He wanders down the alleyway and out into the bustling streets of London. Clubs and bars line the road and he knows he's come to the exact place he meant to. He wanders into the first pub he finds and makes his way straight to the bar. He orders a Muggle drink and downs it, then another and another – the horrible, rough taste of the cheap liquor is harsh and nothing like the Firewhiskey he is used to, but he knows it'll do the job. He catches sight of a tall man eyeing him up from the end of the bar. The man is rather gorgeous, tall, lean, well dressed, a dark ebony mop of hair and glistening blue eyes – he's a copy of Sirius, but he's not Sirius all at the same time and, to Remus, that will have to be good enough. He goes over to the man, orders them both drinks, and begins with the painfully dull small talk; however, it's not long before he's being pulled into the dirt ridden bathroom stalls and pushed roughly against the wall.

Something inside him is screaming at him to stop; screaming at him to remember Sirius; to remember that he loves Sirius and only Sirius, but he pushes it deeper and deeper down inside him, letting the other man unbuckle his belt and push his trousers down. It's fast, and messy and in Remus' opinion it's disgusting and nothing like what he's used to. He comes with Sirius' name on his lips, but the other man is too busy rutting against him to notice what Remus is doing. Remus' mind is buzzing with the constant question of whether this was what Sirius was doing right this moment- whether this was what Sirius would rather be doing that being with the man that adored him.

He flees the bar, muttering to the other man that he's got to be somewhere and then finds staggers back to the same alleyway he had first apparated to. With a crack he's back in the house- a nauseous, swirling feeling overwhelming him. He needs to be sick. He needs to rid himself of what he's just done. He falls through to the bathroom; the bitter and horrid taste of the alcohol beginning to swell in him.

He slumps down in the corner of the bathroom; tears beginning to sting his eyes as his mind races with the disgusting memories of what he had just done – what had he become? What had Sirius become?

What had he done that had driven Sirius to that? Was he really that awful? Was he really that disgusting? He reached for his wand.

'Accio, razor,' he whispered it, watching as the shimmering silver blade crossed through the air and hovered before him. He reached for it, running his finger along the tip of the blade and watching as a thin, crimson line of blood began to pool. He felt hot tears beginning to spill down his cheeks, his eyes blurring as he pressed the blade to his wrists and jaggedly ripped at the flesh. It burnt, and stung and pained, but it was what he deserved. He continued, ripping along the flesh of his arm and watching, through shrink-wrapped eyes, as the blood began to ooze from the fresh cuts.

The alcohol still whirred within him. He pulled his knees into his body, wracked with tears and shaking. He let the razor fall to the floor, clattering against the hard tile floor. His blood stained his jumper, the harsh crimson red against the clean white. He was falling apart. He was pulling himself apart. He was just as broken as Sirius Black.


	4. Chapter 4

Remus? Remus? Wake the fuck up, please, Remus?' The panicked tone of Sirius' voice whirred in Remus' mind. He was sure he was dreaming, but the feel of warm, strong arms supporting him was only too real. He tore his eyes open, blinking several times as the blindingly bright light hit him. He must have passed out; he was still in the bathroom. His head pounded heavily, a souvenir of what had happened last night, but that was not the only souvenir he had dragged with him. He glanced down at the jagged and scabbing cuts that littered his arms. His blood was stained around him; his jumper was coated, the floor around him was dotted with pools of blood and the razor lay amidst it.

'What the fuck did you do?' Sirius' voice was laced with anger but mainly worry and panic. His eyes were damp with tears as he held Remus at arms length.

Remus looks up at him, but avoids his eyes, his hair falling over his eyes as he whispers.

'You left me, you didn't need me anymore,' Sirius,' His jaw drops ever so slightly open, his tears begin to tumble down his cheeks.

'I-I, no, Remus, I didn't leave you. I love you; I need you,' He stammers and stutters, pulling Remus' body to him and holding him.

Remus doesn't know what happens after that, the most part of it is a blur or Sirius taking him through to the living room and laying him down, the next moment he's surrounded by Lily, James and Peter, although his hands are neatly bandaged and he's dressed in a long sleeved shirt.

'Oh, you're awake,' Lily beams down at him, her emerald green eyes twinkling beautifully, 'We were worried about you, you've been asleep for nearly the entire day,' She smiles her sweet and gorgeous smile, before sitting beside him. She tuts gently, putting her arm around him, 'You wait until Sirius finds who did this to you, he'll kill them,' Remus' mind is suddenly a buzz of questions: which men? What did they do to him? What happened?

'What?' He splutters.

'Oh, Remus, you poor baby. I don't suppose you remember most of it. You were attacked, on your way home. James says it's most probably muggles, otherwise you'd have wounds that could only be inflicted by spells and you know what wizards are like, they'd rather use their wands, rather than get their hands dirty,' Lily's words ring inside his ears – Sirius had lied to cover up for the bruises and the cuts- He'd lied to save his own neck.

'Is he awake, Lily?' The sound of Sirius' voice comes from the doorway. Lily nods and smiles across the room at Sirius and the next moment she's standing and Sirius is sitting where she had previously been.

His face is etched with guilt and pain, his eyes darting over Remus' body.

Lily makes her way to the door, along with Peter and James, leaving just Remus and Sirius.

'I'm-I'm so sorry,' Sirius stutters, 'I fucked up, I fucked everything up,' Remus doesn't know what to say. He feels as though every thought has left his mind as he listens to Sirius. Sirius' voice drops to a whisper, 'I loved him, Remus, I loved Jamie,' he pauses, staring down at his hands which are folding and unfolding in his lap, 'I've always loved him, but, never like how I've loved you,' Remus feels his eyes prickling with tears.

'I was always second best, Sirius,'

'That makes two of us then,' He croaked, 'he always wanted her, always and yet I gave him everything, everything he wanted,' tears were spilling down his cheeks now.

'And I gave you everything, but that didn't stop you from crawling back into his fucking bed,' Remus found himself raising his voice, Sirius' eyes glinted with fear.

'I always loved you- Remus, I fucking adore you, you're my everything. He just – he- he fucked me up, Remus. I-I didn't know how to love you and let him go,' Sirius' chest heaved as tears dripped from his cheeks, 'I didn't know how to stop loving him,'

Remus is lost for words. He doesn't know what to do, or what to say. He wants to shout and scream at Sirius about how much he wanted him and how much he had given him, but at the same time he wants to run away and leave. He wants to be free of the pain. He had always known that Sirius loved James; he had always understood that Sirius came second to Lily; he had accepted that James would never stop being a complete and utter bastard to Sirius, and yet, Remus had never expected to hear Sirius saying it all to him – pouring it all out to him. He had never expected it to hurt so much to hear him saying it all out loud.

'I can't,' Remus whispers, 'I can't do this anymore,' Sirius' eyes flick up to his; raincloud blue meeting his own faded amber eyes.

'Please, Remus, I need you,' Remus shakes his head.

'You don't need me. You don't even want me,' He finds his voice raising once again and tries to control it, 'I'm leaving,' Remus pushes himself off the sofa, pushing past Sirius and over to where his coat is hanging. He grabs at it, pulls it on and stands facing Sirius. Sirius' eyes are glistening with tears, his face stained with the damp tracks of previous ones.

The last thing Remus Lupin hears as he apparates from the house is the whispered plea that falls from Sirius' lips. He apparates to the alleyway- the very same alleyway from the night before. He feels the cool, hard stonewall behind him, the night air whipping at him. He falls back against the wall, his heart pounding heavily and his stomach twisting and untwisting. He slumps down the wall until he is sitting. He's alone. He's finally done it – he's finally left Sirius – escaped the endless cycle of pain, but suddenly he realizes just how very alone he is. He's lost the one man that he absolutely adored.


End file.
